OMGWTFBBQ!
by tricarbonphosphate
Summary: Sora encounters some...interesting stories on the Internet and finally snaps. Rated M for some sexuality, language, and violence. NOTE: I don't need anybody telling me about the filter stuff, okay? I already know! And remember: I do this for the lulz!


**OMGWTFBBQ!**

One day Sora was surfing on the internet. He happened upon a fanfiction site, and noticed that there were quite a few Kingdom Hearts stories.

"Hmm…this looks interesting. Maybe I'll see how awesome people think I am!"

Cherish your naïve optimism, Sora, for you shall soon lose it.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

You'll find out soon enough. And stop breaking the fourth wall.

"Hey, you started it."

Can we just continue with the story please?

"Fine."

Anyway, Sora clicked on the link and got a full page with a list of stories. He noticed that a lot of the synopses had "SoraxRiku," "SoraxRoxas," etc.

"Now what do these mean, I wonder?"

He clicked on the top story with "SoraxRiku" and proceeded to read. After a while:

"…What the fuck?!"

Against his better judgment, he pressed on. Soon his jaw dropped in horror.

"Oh my God, that's just sick! Riku, get over here!"

Riku came running into the room. "What is it, Sora?"

"Come here and see what horrors they're writing about us!"

"Horror? Cool! I love horror stories!"

Little did Riku know what lay in store.

"What, is it really gory or something?" asked Riku.

(sigh) Just continue, the fourth wall thing has been done to death.

Riku shrugged. "If you say so."

He read down the page, wondering what Sora was freaking out about.

"I don't see what the problem is, this doesn't seem—"

Then he got to the dreaded point in the story where it all went wrong.

"What?!"

"Oh, it gets worse," said Sora knowingly.

Riku continued to read. "Oh come on! Are they seriously writing this crap?!"

"I'm afraid so…"

" 'He held Sora tenderly in his arms then closed in and kissed him deeply…they laid down, their naked bodies embracing in the purest expression of love—' "

"Okay, that's enough!" Sora interrupted. "I don't want to suffer through all that again!"

"Jesus Christ, what's wrong with people?!"

"I don't know, but there's a lot more of this. Look." Sora went back to the list of stories and scrolled down, then went through the next few pages. "It seems like the majority of these stories are like this."

"What the fuck! Do that many people fantasize about these pairings?"

"I guess. Just because of a few suggestive moments in the games that makes us automatically gay for each other."

"Oh, come on! It was a game! We did some acting, got paid, and went home!"

"Yeah, well tell that to the legions of fangirls out there."

"But why? Why would they write such stories?"

"According to some psychological studies, it's because the authors are mainly teenage girls who are still insecure about exploring their own sexuality, so they write and read yaoi stories as a 'safe' way to approach it."

"I guess that makes sense, but still, there seems to be some really fucked-up shit out there."

"I can only imagine. I mean, some of these stories involve me and Roxas!"

"Yeah? So what?"

"So what?! He's my Nobody! That means we're practically the same person! Which therefore implies that at some fucked up level, not only do I want to fuck you, but also myself!"

"Well, it certainly gives a whole new meaning to 'go fuck yourself.' "

Sora and the author facepalm in response to the obvious and lame pun.

"Or think of it this way: It's not gay sex with yourself, it's just enhanced masturbation!"

"…You know, sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you…"

"Because I'm awesome!"

Sora stared blankly at Riku. "Yeah, I'll let you think that…"

All of a sudden, a Rabid Fangirl appears out of nowhere.

"Howcanyoucriticizethesestoriestheyresobeautifulitshowshowcloseyoutrulyaretheresnothingmorebeautifulthantwobishiessharingtheirloveforeachother—"

BLAM!

The Rabid Fangirl dropped to the ground, minus her head. Riku stared at her in shock. "Holy fuck!"

Sora was holding a shotgun, which he cocked. "Well, I think I found the solution to this problem!"

"Dude, where the hell did you get a shotgun?!"

"Never mind that now! I have a solution. The problem is that there's simply too many of these rabid fangirls out there. They produce all this yaoi, submit it onto these sites, then more rabid fangirls read them and demand more, creating a never-ending flood of yaoi!"

"So what does that mean?"

"It means population control, bitches!"

"What do you mean population control?"

"It means I'm going to go around with this here shotgun and blow their fucking heads off!"

"But there's so many of them, you'll never get them all!"

"Oh, don't worry, Riku, I'm nothing if not persistent! Now, onward! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

"…Dude, you're starting to scare me…"

Sora set off on his massacre mission, laughing maniacally.

END

Disclaimer time!

I don't own the Kingdom Hearts franchise or the characters. I do own the ideas in this work, though.

And in case you were wondering, no, I don't support the systematic slaughter of yaoi-obsessed fangirls. But seriously, there's way too fucking much yaoi on this site and others. I am so sick and tired of scrolling through the list of stories and seeing SoraxRiku, SoraxRoxas, RoxasxAxel (or AkuRoku), and everything else.

So please, people, stop flooding the site with all this yaoi! A bit is fine, but it should not constitute 70% of the reading material!

P.S. I am prepared for any hate mail. Just remember: if you don't have more important things to worry about than a yaoi-basher, you really need to get a fucking life.


End file.
